Friday, 24 February 2012

things i'll miss about whistler: apres (part 3 in a series of many parts)

i'll just say it now: apres should be a real thing everywhere.

you know how they say "it's always 5 o'clock somewhere"? well, i say, it's always anytime after 11 am somewhere. and you know i'm right.

let me explain to those of you who are uncertain as to the nature of apres. apres-ski is from the French, meaning after skiing. it's something you do, well, after skiing (or snowboarding). generally apres is conducted in outerwear. you go straight from the slopes to the bar. sometimes (this is not for beginners) you can faux-apres, then put in a few more sneaky runs, then do real apres. the beauty of it is that once you've been on the mountain, everything following counts as apres. so you can, literally, apres ski at 11am. it's been done.

if i were on the pro-apres side of a debate on the subject of "apres: should it be a real thing everywhere", these are the main arguments i would use to flesh out my speech.

  • it's a legitimate and comfortable way of drinking during daylight hours.
  • you can have work the next day and still put away a few pints in the early afternoon hours without the dread of hangover.
  • it's the perfect way to process the awesomeness that has just happened to you on the mountain.
  • inevitably, you don'talways end up spend the whole day with all your mates on the mountain, despite your best intentions (mainly applicable on powder days; there are no friends on a powder day)- apres is a good opportunity to swap stories, embellish a little if you must, and check nobody was lost in a tree well (safety first friends: check in with each other on the mountain after each run, ride with a buddy on a powder day). the great thing about telling pow day stories is there's no real words to describe them, but all you need to do is shake your head and use a few choice pieces of jargon, and your friends know exactly what you mean.
  • you can look sweaty, or have funny hair, and it doesn't even matter, because everyone else does too. if you look too pretty, nobody will believe you did the awesome stuff you're bragging about. slaying the pow is a messy business. if you're doing it properly, it gets in your face. in and around your mouth, to be exactly precise.
  • you run into people who you haven't seen in ages. no-one can say no to apres.
  • you can join in even if you haven't been riding, and if your friends are cool (like mine) they don't judge, not even a little bit.
  • best apres spots: dustys, crystal, cinnamon bear bar, elephant and castle. you want to be able to get good and comfy seats. you want your server to be noticing when your drinks are due for refreshing. you want them to tell you the specials. you want them to laugh at your witty banter. you want them to be happy, or at least good at faking happiness. you also want them to have a nice rack.
  • sometimes, apres leads to an all-nighter. why, i knew one guy who didn't change out of his outerwear for 3 days: he rode, he apres-d, he clubbed, he passed out, he woke up, he rode, he apres-d ... repeat as often as necessary.
  • a nice apres time that springs to mind, off the top of my head: kate, phill, kate and i had double caesars at dustys, then phill and i went halves in a bottle of crown royal(and several litres of coca cola) and proceeded to drink a lot of it, were done by 9pm, i was asleep by 10pm, woke up almost fresh as a daisy the next day...
  • or, another nice apres time was when i had an awesome powder day on harmony, then went to merlins and hairfarmers were playing, and the beer was cheap. on a day like that you're untouchable, everything is great, everyone is your friend, because they all had a great powder day and they all love the hairfarmers too. that, my friends, is how you make best friends with a stranger in under 2 hours.
  • 2 beers is more than enough to make you merry after a hectic powder day: it's cheap on the wallet.

these and many more are the reasons that apres should be a real thing everywhere.

i rest my case.

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