treasure: today is one of those good days

Today is one of those good days they speak about.

I'm writing this here as a souvenir, so when there are the less good days I can remember that there are good days like this. It's a good day in the best way. It's calm and sure with guest appearances of euphoria. I luxuriate in the feeling of being both safe and powerful. Yes thankyou, planet. I'll take it.

I slept, flanked by the warm bodies of small dogs who most days seem to exist just to ply me with love. I watched a beautiful interview between Elisabeth Moss and Riz Ahmed, laying in bed - I woke up to artists I admire speak about their art while my brain put its day together.

I had my milky coffee and my vegemite toast just the way I like, with tofu on top, warm and crispy.

The puppies slept in while I got ready to work - they never sleep in, but today they loved my bed more than anything, and if I hadn't had to work I would have been right there with them. Sleepy kid-dogs watching my get-ready routine with the bemusement of those who know they're going right back to sleep when I've left the house was a small and precious treasure.

I wore the pretty skirt with flowers. I wore a pin that says "Born to Read". I shared my pin to Instagram. I wore new lipstick I bought last night when I got my hair cut. My haircut gave me that 'in control of my destiny' feeling.

I started my drive to work with the 'One Love Manchester' playlist. There was a little Mumford and Sons, then I skipped through Take That and Robbie Williams to Pharrell's 'Happy'. The crowd sang along, and I imagined the feeling of being in Manchester, after everything, and listened to those voices singing, and imagined, and then teared up. Still driving. I switched to my newest love, St. South - I got my shit well and truly together by the time I got to work.

I spoke about a project that's going to be awesome when we pull it off (we talked through the doubts and milestones to meet in the next week, and agreed on things).

I did my first academic speaking gig, and I didn't suck. I spoke more quickly than I wanted to, but I let myself off, because people had suggestions and questions and good things to say afterwards. I ate vegan cake my supervisor baked, and I soaked up the rest of the good ideas. I had emails from people with more ideas! They liked my ideas and suggested things for me to read next!

I helped my boss wrap gifts for upcoming international travel, and we talked on and around about the things I'd just talked about in my seminar. My heart was full of warm thoughts and ideas - the lived reality of research and ideas, all those exciting juicy bits. The world is open and full of possibility.

#30daychallenge day 4: my views on religion

firstly i really have to acknowledge that when i personally speak of religion, at this point that goes not much further than christianity. having done some small, back-cover-of-book reading to investigate buddhism in particular, i concede i am not a knowledgable source. i don't actually even know that much about christianity, really. so.

i have a rather loose and liberal view on religion. we weren't really raised any one way; much like the political 'upbringing' i mused upon in an earlier blog, our religious knowledge was almost something we came upon on our own. in fact it was so transparent i'd be interested to know what my brothers have come away with from that shared experience.

we were taught that some people believed different things, that it was ok to be different, that we should find out for ourselves. i realise we were given a fairly broad spectrum and that while this gave us less to be suppressed by, it also gave us less to rebel against.

i knew my paternal grandparents went to church, and when they were older, some man person would come to the house for some reason, and we'd play quietly in another room. we never really talked about this, but i assumed it was some adult thing meant not for me, and happily went back to my book. similarly with scripture at school, i enjoyed thursday mornings for their diversion from regular schoolwork, but once i got past a certain age made no hesitation in asking for permission to read in the library while scripture lessons happened to the others. perhaps that's why i love books so much - they took the place of this jesus guy, and the god guy, and moses, and something about a baby in the reeds? and a sea got parted at some stage. oh, and noah with the animals on the ark. plus, carols at christmas and a whole lot of talking and hymns at easter.

that's about the brunt of it, as far as my childhood self was concerned.

i've made no secret of that fact that i got dumped for jesus at the end of my first serious relationship (i hesitate to say first adult relationship, as that would require actual adults). i can very easily make a punchline of it, but suffice to say the way i was treated and the things that were said to me turned me quite a bit off organised religion and christianity in particular. i understand ultimatums as a way to get your kids to bed, for example 'go and get into your pyjamas or no more tv for you' may be effective, but the thing is, delivering ultimatums about something so important and personal (as in, really-not-your-business) seemed problematic at best, and a plain old shitfight in reality. especially since i'd done my best to understand what i was dealing with, read up on some new testament, all that.

the next guy i dated was an atheist.

honestly though, that didn't work out so well for me either. i tend to think religious beliefs may not be the only factor, and instead focus on others such as 'do you actually make me happy?' or 'exactly how many things about myself have i changed so we can continue to date each other?' or even 'what are your prospects?'.

as time as passed i have met and made friends with people of all shades of religious fervour. the yoga-centric whistler world was a lot about deep breathing, muscles and a touch of something spiritual and sparkly off in the distance. one of my lovely long-distance friends practises a deep love of the earth, of animals and her lovely dog, of crystals and humanity. some of these things i had previously scoffed at, mainly as my mum has this sort of background herself.

i've come full circle, i think. while i suspect that organised religion is not for me, and perhaps a divine power in the shape of a person or thing is a bit of a stretch, i feel that you can be spiritual without being religious. hear me out - speaking as i often did with my aunt Sally about my granny, we touched on her beliefs a little bit. as i noted above, there was this sort of closed-door whispery church behaviour happening, but what made granny believe in and feel closer to her version of god was being outside, under a blue sky, in the garden. if you can believe in the good of things, i think that's a great start. it's hard to do in this world we live in.

we'll leave it at agnostic for me, thanks. as my facebook profile says, i believe in karma. and snow. karma because i think it's important to be nice and do nice things for people. snow because, well, have you sat at the top of a mountain before? that's a kind of magic that is undeniable.

for further information on my kind of religion, see below- 

on a Friday: best and worst customer awards

best customer:

shallow, but this cute guy who i know from SOMEWHERE... who knows where, he probably sells me my coffee every day or something, anyway, he made a big donation of clothes and we swapped clever flirty banter each time he brought another bag in. it's the little things that make the day good.

fail = not finding out where he works or if he's leaving town, or staying here to buy me a drink sometime.

worst customer:

this dude came with 2 couches loaded onto a trailer. first of all i was busy helping someone else and he pretty much stopped me in what i was doing and demanded i help him right away. then one of the couches had a huge tear in it. the other smaller one was sellable. so i says to him i says, "we can take the smaller one, but i'm sorry, with a tear the bigger one won't sell, so i'll have to say no to it". and he says "well i'm taking them both to the dump then", gets in his car and drives off.

fail= he obviously got to the dump and didn't want to pay the dumping fees, so he left the smaller couch with us after all. his fail, not mine.
my fail was not being there when he brought the smaller couch back to give him a smug smile.