In the spirit of all the many exciting upcoming things in our lives, this edition I am reviewing some trailers for huge movies coming out this year that I have not, in fact, seen yet.
It's come to this, kids. My attention span is officially so short that I have to pick three things to watch that are roughly 2 minutes a piece.
I feel as though Hollywood went through a phase of bad sequels made with different cast members to the originals (Cruel Intentions 2, anyone? Dirty Dancing Havana Nights? Anyone?), but now it looks as though the sequel is coming back for a day in the sun. Mainly I'm talking about Marvel Comic based movies, but Pitch Perfect 2, Jurassic World and Magic Mike XXL have set themselves up to blow our little minds.
1. Pitch Perfect 2.
Probably the movie I'm most excited about this year.
My hope for this movie is more quotable quotes, particularly from Australia's own hot export Rebel Wilson as the kick-arse babe Fat Amy. Anna Kendrick is also a particular favourite of mine - I imagine if her and I hung out we'd have a great time and some really good in-jokes.
In trying to explain these movies to people who haven't seen them, I must concede the premise seems a little questionable - "It's set in college in America, there's a bunch of acapella bands who compete in a series of competitions to get to the Final thing... they learn a valuable lesson about friendship".
It's so much more than that, you all. Do yourselves a favour and watch the first one before May, when the sequel comes out. You'll be saying the funny quotes in no time.
2. Jurassic World.
Ok. I feel like the Jurassic Park franchise sort of lost its way there for a while:
Jurassic Park was obviously the best (and conversely, the first film I saw on a big screen, in UNE's own Botany Lecture theatre back in the day), but I managed to avoid The Lost World: Jurassic Park and Jurassic Park III. I can't tell you what they're about, but I can tell you I had no interest in seeing them.
Flash forward 22 years and enter Chris Pratt, and I am suddenly completely down for the 4th instalment. The epic trailer for this one mainly involves some closeups of Chris Pratt's beautiful face as he expresses concern about hybrid dinosaurs being bred at the park, with good reason - it worries me that the crazy scientists aren't even slightly worried about imminent death and chaos, but I guess maybe they're too close to the project. There's also a lot of running and loud dinosaur noises. I am so excited for June, because you know a Jurassic Park sequel is going to be action packed and slightly thrilling (velociraptors in the kitchen, anyone?) and you KNOW how handsome Chris Pratt is.
3. Magic Mike XXL
Look... I think it's fair to say that this particular sequel is going to be more than a little gratuitous. The trailer features a bit of well-placed grinding (of a variety of kinds), a bit of Ginuine's Pony, a bit of Channing Tatum dancing in a shed on his own to express his feelings, and a whole lot of abs.
I just want to know how they get their abs like that. It's practically inhuman.
What I hope for Mike (aka Magic Mike, aka Channing Tatum) is that he follows his dreams and encourages those well-oiled dancing friends of his to follow theirs, that nobody gets caught up in the shady world of drugs this time and that they really just focus on their careers and the music, you know?
I am also curious about what sort of outfits they'll be wearing in the sequel (albeit momentarily) and whether Matthew McConaughey is going to be there. And what outfits he'll be wearing.
This one will be gracing screens in July.
I'm not going lie, there's an exciting time ahead for moviegoers. We live in a marvellous age. See you in the ticket queue with your 3D glasses on... for Jurassic World of course.