My tinder profile. For reals, it could say:
Looking for a smart honest adult to occasionally sleep with. Future boyfriends need not apply. Ain't nobody got time for that.
OR
If you're scared of someone who doesn't laugh at your jokes unless they're funny, and wants to correct your grammar but won't, don't swipe right. If you're ok with the above I might put out if I feel like it. Why don't you buy me a scotch and see?
It actually says:
Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark, they shoot bees at you?
And let the record state that Tinder has never gotten me laid.
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