Day 1/365

We drove much more quietly on the return trip, the cumulative effect of a late night and heat and much whisky. It's a special kind of friendship, one that will sit next to you in the car, having bursts of significant conversation interspersed with observations about the sky, mixed in with the quiet of thoughtful people.

I decided I didn't quite have resolutions, but that I did want to write every day in 2015 - lots of words, or less words with a picture.

I know this year is going to be another big one, and if the open blue skies of today are any indication, it's going to be wide open and beautiful.

secret: the writing of a letter

another podcast from me, this one hit the 15 minute mark I'm afraid. but it does have some handy tips on writing letters.

it's also quiet - I might have been a bit far from the mic. I will work on it.



while you listen to me chatter, here are some pictures of the kind of bits and pieces I use for writing letters.

                                       

                                     

                                    

treasure: families

i am a lucky enough girl to have plenty of families. there are the families we are born into, and the families we make for ourselves. i've spent the past 6 weeks immersed in family.  'tis the season for family, Christmas and New Years', and man oh man did we win at it.

i hereby provide exhibit a: photographic evidence.

 

 

Thanks to Karin, Mitch & Mark for borrowed photography

exhibit b: stories and contemplation

it was just the right amount of fun and downtime, and my love for all these people only grew in the time i was lucky enough to spend with them. it was the first time in probably 2 years that me and the whistler gang had all been together, looking each other in the eye instead of over Skype, or on Facebook and Instagram. i think the main thing i noticed was just how much we appreciated each other, and just how much of a family we were.

when you're in whistler, you're in the thick of things- part of what i loved about that was you tend to live in the 'right now' of your life, without too much thought past the next payday. it's a kind of freedom you don't tend to get for a long time in your life, and should be whole-heartedly enjoyed. what i never did a lot of at the time was to appreciate what long-lasting friendships i was setting up with every potluck dinner, every day on the mountain, every night out dancing at Bill's, every moment dressed up in costume. this is the stuff true love is made of; people who are on your wavelength, who agree with you (and disagree with you too), who laugh with you and commiserate with you and fill your days up with company.

when you leave whistler, and go your separate ways, you suddenly realise how lovely that all was, with the pang of retrospective contemplation and a realisation that Other People (people that haven't been to whis) do not think it's ok to have a double caesar for breakfast on your days off.

meeting up again 2 years later for the wedding of kate and phill was just a wonderful choice. it made me realise how we have all grown and changed, but miraculously we're all still awesome in slightly different ways. the world outside of whistler has been bearing down on us and we've all risen to the challenge. we're all proud of each other the way family is, and fiercely so. we all partied and wore the shit out of our dragon onesies (an awesome purchase and another wonderful choice), drank double caesars for breakfast and ate eggs benny, a Karin Rofors speciality. we re-lived some of the best bits of whistler, but it was really about us being together. and together we were. in cars, on beaches, in planes and on trains, in houses, in tents, in hammocks, on decks, in marquees, on dance floors, in limousines, in vans, in tow trucks, in beds, in cabins, on SkyDeck, on Facebook and Instagram.

we were everywhere in our togetherness.

now, we are apart again. it's a little bit sad, but truthfully the together part was so much fun and so powerful in its ability to make me feel both grounded and filled with helium excitement that i can't feel too sad for too long.

i think life is about the people you miss as a flipside of togetherness. there are always people to miss - it's the life of a traveller, and we all love to travel. it's the people that you meet that make you who you are, and these people are all parts of me, in their sticky happy fizzy ways.

sending you love, dragon and non-dragon friends. all of the love.

do you even know how much i love you?

treasure: taking stock

Pip Lincolne of Meet Me At Mikes posted a Taking Stock post today and I thought I'd play along.

Playing along is getting me back into the swing of things, that's for sure.

Making : study for my accounting exam a Priority (gah)
Cooking : easy summer foods, like delicious salads with purple cabbage in them
Drinking : champagne, to celebrate my new job!
Reading: Ghost World by Daniel Clowes, Best of Lifted Brow vol. 1, Intimate Ephemera: Reading Young Lives in Australian Zine Culture by Anna Poletti
Wanting: more time! have packing and studying to do, lots in a short amount of time.
Looking: for private health insurance (2014: the year I do grown up things)
Playing: Sia's Elastic Heart from the Catching Fire soundtrack over and over
Deciding: how to spend my Australia Day weekend
Wishing: to somehow skip the next month of craziness and just have it all sorted and dealt with
Enjoying: cold beers from the New England Brewing Company on the weekend just passed
Waiting: to start a new job
Liking: exploring my wardrobe before I pack it up to move
Wondering: when it will start cooling down again??
Loving: double rainbows on Sunday afternoons
Pondering: my next set of feminist friday blog posts
Considering: another cup of coffee
Watching: Girls season 3 interspersed with Gossip Girl season 4 interspersed with Stuck in Love
Hoping: that my run of good things continues
Marvelling: at how fast January has passed me by
Needing: a big clean out of my wardrobe before I move
Smelling: 'lovely' by sarah jessica parker - mum's latest favourite perfume
Wearing: a pink and purple vintage dress (see thursday's post, when it comes)
Following: conversation on my cousin's Facebook about this article
Noticing: the weight lifted from my shoulders now I'm not staring down unemployment!
Knowing: that I am going to drink cold beer when I get home
Thinking: about how delicious homegrown grapes are when they come straight from the fridge
Feeling: hot and a bit bothered
Admiring: Cate Blanchett
Sorting: email to keep from the SPAM of it all
Buying: zines from Take Care Zine Distro
Getting: thirsty for coffee... iced coffee, maybe
Bookmarking: junkee.com
Disliking: again, the heat. c'mon, summer... I'm done with you! I only like you when I get to lay on the beach, or drink frosty beverages on the deck
Opening: farewell gifts from swedish ladies
Giggling: at Clem Ford's latest awesomeness
Feeling: filled to the brim with plans and anticipation for 2014!

30daypictureschallenge: Day 20, 21, 22, 23 & 24

here are 5 photos from today. I cheat a little, yes, for these are not different days, but they are different photos. that much is for sure.

and it goes a little somethin' like this:

breakfast wholesomeness // me, modelling my new haircut (which is pretty much the old haircut with less split ends and a fringe cut by a professional) // holidays on ice by david sedaris, tomorrow's bookclub book and a gigglefest through my lunchbreak today // the afternoon sun out my bedroom window // the tea paraphernalia required for writing, my sweetawesome thrifted tablecloth and my current writing set up..

there's something about distilling the beauties of your day into photographs that I rather enjoy. 

secret: the end of the world, or Day 16 of 30pictureschallenge

in Australia in summer it is inevitable that things burn. tonight, somewhere near Armidale, there is a fire- with a bit of a wind, the streets are full of smoke. on dusk, it seems as though the town is almost empty. it truly feels like a post-apocalyptic reality. me and Maude are making our slow way up the hill to home (she's too keen for second gear and not quite sharp enough to take advantage of third up these hills, i never really know what to do with her). i half expect newspapers blowing past us with headlines increasingly threatening and bleak, like the movies.

my favourite post-apocalyptic movies are those like i am legend, children of men, 28 days later or city of ember, or even the island (which might be a little bit about scarlett and ewan). the anarchist inside of me likes watching societies fall apart (it doesn't have to be a nuclear holocaust, just a good old-fashioned dissolution of the powers that be). i like seeing who takes the lead, who the scriptwriters and directors think is worthy of the power.

because i'm a feminist, i'm particularly interested in what sort of female figures our scriptwriters have imagined. it's interesting how sometimes, the roles of women don't change at all, as though that's too hard to imagine, even though when you're making stuff up you can imagine anything you like.

once upon a time, i wanted to write my honours thesis about the role of women in post-apocalyptic literature. now, i really really wish i had done it. i could go back and do it sometime, you know. i wanted to write about isobelle carmody's obernewtyn series, and margaret atwood's the handmaid's tale. even thinking about this now makes me want to write a blog a billion words long.

for now, i imagine myself roaming the world in my trusty van (who goes forever and never ever breaks down because she's old enough there are no computers in her and i can fix her with my somehow-acquired mechanical skill....). stay safe out there kids. safe from fires, safe from smoke, and safe from zombies.

#30daychallenge day 12: Bullet your whole day

On first reading, this prompt made me wonder about just shooting everything and everyone, but no, that was yesterday's migraine-induced mood. Today I love people again, so it's all good in the hood. Let the bullet points begin:

• 6am wakeup to feed chooks and dogs yields this lovely sunrise
• de-ice windscreen, drive into Armidale to the fine tunes of bliss n eso, chance waters, plus some bonus warbling along to jessie J's "Price Tag" and straight after that, "No diggety" as covered by the lovely Chet Faker. love a bit of iShuffle in the mornin'!
• arrive at townhouse (currently housesitting mum's place; henceforth referred to as my countryhouse, thus making my actual rented room the townhouse)
• shower, choose awesome thrifted clothes for today's 30 day restyle challenge prompt: metallic
• dress, add finishing touches to article for UNE's Nucleus magazine (it's not my finest work, but I have all the necessary disclaimers and excuses, including afore-mentioned migraine)
• get to work, wait for Kate J to do her regular wacky carpark activity (i could tell you what this entails, but then i'd have to kill you ... suffice to say she has a certain disregard for the white lines) and wander up to work together, procuring lunch invitation and other such joys
• computer goes on, first cup in a long line of cups of tea gets put together and promptly sipped at, bag of japanese goodies gets cracked open (turns out they are puffed rice covered in chocolate, which i'm going to say counts as breakfast)

• i make jokes about putting things into envelopes at my job. today, i actually put some things into envelopes
• more tea
• me n excel, we're tight: lists of people are the order of the day today!
• lunchtime with kate J, parents of kate J and Gabi. We proceed to solve some problems of the world. No biggie.
• an afternoon of some more lists, printing mailing labels (first on the wrong side, then on the right side) until finally ...
• 5pm! hometime is the best time on a Friday night
• home via dan murphy's because i've been craving dark beer all day - white rabbit dark ale does the trick, then
• dinner and gossip at ellie's house with a cameo by trent
• sad attempt to watch an episode of suits when i get home... proceed to fall asleep 20 minutes in
• the. end.

treasure: the fine art of “winning at Melbourne”

Taken on arrival in Parkville, on the way to the uni. Effects added for, well, effect.

The thing about Armidale is, I didn’t always live there. My first 5-odd years of adulthood were passed in Melbourne, as a broke Arts student. In amongst the drama, angst and excitement of it all, I made my place in the city.

So when I go back, not only does it mean that I already know how to brace myself if I’m standing on a moving tram, but (more importantly) I have all these wonderful people to see, hug and giggle with while consuming inordinate amounts of coffee and having the conversations of our lives.

The way these folk love and care for me is always a beautiful surprise; sometimes I feel very out of the way from things in little Armidale, so it is nice to be met with such happiness. I've visited 3 times already this year, and I’ve realised it’s about quality time. Less stress is key.

I arrived Tuesday afternoon. People watching/admiring at University of Melbourne turned into talking about growing into my own personal feminism with Bethany. As well as feasting on African deliciousness, we took in a midweek Alt J show, shortly followed by a lot of 'I'm an old bastard' complaining about our legs and backs from being on our feet so long. Uber-hip, us kids is.

Come Wednesday morning, I snuck off to breakkie at Pope Joan in Brunswick, and awkwardly held Mat and Tash’s newest Louis- btw Tash, “just hold him like a football” is not the best advice for someone that’s never held a football. I lunched and talked love life with the very handsome Dave Barry and pretty-face Bethany on-campus (feeling like a quasi-student), got to see Dave's office building with the moving doors (things are so fancy in Melbourne), laughed, love and got gifted the bestest happy socks ever in the city with Thea (plus heard about her new dentist!) and moved along to Fitzroy-side to sample Bourbons while solving some commonly-held problems of the world with lovely lovely Laila. I also got a sneak-peak at what she looks like when she’s inside a doona case, and not everyone has that privledge. Let me just say it was funny, but also important.

ALL of the bourbons ... Bookers is best, by the way.

 Thursday brought Green Refectory breakkie and opshop gold with Mr Michael Hanley; a Canadian film for Melbourne International Film festival with McGregor, followed by tasty beers and tomfoolery at the bar with Yanni, and beef pho at 9:30pm with Beth, not a little full of beer.

Friday the weather turned windy and wet; perfect for breakfast with the lovely Sarah, an advanced screening of The Bling Ring at Cinema Nova and a late lunch with Vaughan Circus (the name my brain files him under) at A Minor Place, home of cute bespecled waiters and tasty, tasty haloumi-eggplant combinations.

Happily, the hot waiter vibe continued at our spectacular Friday night dinner on Smith Street with Aaron, Ned, Bethany and lovely friends; sadly, Hot Italian Waiter’s preference for men limited our chances to run away together, but he did recommend a delicious wine and provide witty, Italian-accented banter in a most adept fashion.

Bethany and I left the boys to pop into Bar Etiquette for more of that Yanni-tainment and a few drinks, passing a little more time with Mr McG before falling into bed. Saturday brought a rather late breakfast with Sylvia, a Vietnamese coffee dragging me into a state of articulation necessary for covering feminism, blind dates, Tina Fey, the romantic failings of our various men, curling and the beard of Sylvia’s new favourite economics reporter. Bethany and I window-shopped me into the conclusion that I would have to check some luggage on the flight home. I hit it big at opshops and bookshops this visit; a whole bag full, and I’m not even sorry.

My final night in Melbournetown was spent with Mat, Tash, Iggy and Louis. There was Kake di Hatti (my favourite Indian takeaway request)- garlic naan worthy of breaking my stance on gluten, and spicy tasty curry combinations. Also featured: cheeky pots at Atticus Finch and organic Tasmanian cider. I got to hold Louis again and look more casual about it. He even cracked a smile for me the next morning!

The thing is, all the chats and giggles that filled the visit were real ones, heartfelt and happy. The one-on-ones gave us all a chance to remember why we loved each other, and a sense of where we’re all at. The roughness of the past 6 months had diminished into the background, and so I got to think about someone other than myself a bit and I tell you, I love the lot of ya.

Until next time, Melbournetown.

I heart Green Refectory coffee

treasure: the young people, or, musings on what a hipster might be & wondering if I am one

I'm writing my first essay for my Advertising unit on Gen Y (and possibly more specifially, hipsters; that's if I can manage to find an academic text to reference... hipsters are too cool to have academics reduce them to their signifying parts I guess) and advertising, and it's got me thinking about the kids these days.

According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, Gen Y are those born between 1983 and 2000. So the last of the generation with whom I am grouped is turning 13 this year. It's hard to know how to separate this out, given that I am turning 28 this year and unfortunately am not quite sure what I might talk to a 13 year old about. I'd have a red-hot crack though; I seem to be able to converse with my step-sister Holly, although I do suspect I'm only just skating by on cool points by being an older female person who she doesn't live with. Not that it's all about cool points, but you know, I like them to accrue when at all possible.

Teenagers are a law unto themselves in any case. The section of the population that I rest slightly uneasy with is the people in their early twenties, filled with idealism and a very overt sense of self (to mask the crippling doubt, I know this from experience), all wearing skinny leg jeans and having heard of bands I will not hear of for another 2 or 3 years, and who seem to be able to pull off wearing hats in a way I only dream of. Yes, I know exactly how this makes me sound:

It might be because I don't look good in skinny jeans. It might be because trying to keep up with trends and the whatnot is too anxiety-inducing for me to make a commitment to it. I'm somewhat on board; I have many devices (it sounds suspect when I just come out and say it), I have like, some really cool apps on my iPad and iPhone, I use the Facebook, I instagram pictures of my dinner/drinks/self/social events often. I like all the technological treats available to me in 2013, and treat them with the appropriate amount of respect and panic. 

I made this with at least 3 different iPhone photo apps. I have the skills!

The thing is, I'm not sure a hipster is so easily defined, especially in our little town where trends from the big city get a bit bastardised on their way to our wardrobes. It's probably not accurate to say that all people wearing skinny jeans are hipsters; it's probably not fair to put folk in a category (or 'subculture', a term I shall bandy about in this darned essay) based on the fact they're just a little more up to date with music than me.

I have two friends called Ellie and they have both offered up (unknowingly, but very helpfully) their own definitions: Ellie S refers to the general population of Melbourne as 'mods', which I love, and Ellie P admits feeling a certain disdain for those who have good accessories. These seem a little vague, but really, I suspect that's how the hipsters sneak by us; their undefinable qualities. It's fair to admit that I'm jealous of their accessories, and this includes boots and hats. It's fair to say that I feel left behind in a way that is too difficult to put the effort in to 'catch up', whatever that might mean. Sometimes I wear accessories, but mostly I forget about them because I'm busy. Accessories are a weekend thing, when I have the time.



I've realised I've grown out of wondering if I'm right, of liberally believing that everyone's opinions are equally valid (because I'm sorry, but they're not), of caring what people think besides myself (after all, it's my opinions I have to live with, and me I have to impress). And maybe that's why I'm never going to quite be a hipster, no matter how hard I try. Maybe it's only a very small part of me left over from those early, heady years of faux certainty as a young adult, a very small part that wishes I'd heard of a band before everyone else liked them.

Anyhow, the real point is, writing this essay is going to be tricky. I wonder, what do you guys think makes a hipster? Can people older than 30 (Gen X and beyond) be hipsters? Is it an attitude, or is it accessory choices?

treasure: oh, Canada!

so listen: I'm just going to come right out and say it.

there are days when it rains a lot and you have a headache and generally, it turns out, you're failing a little bit at life. 90% of the time, I love my life. the other 10% i think, damn I wish I'd stayed in Canada.

today is Canada Day, and I'm too far away to be able to get my hands on some Clamato juice for Caesars, or $10 worth of wings at Crystal, or wedges with the infamous Butt-Rub mayo from Dusty's. No Eggs Benny from Wildwood for me (no side of Banana Bread french toast either).

there's no green grass by picturesque lakes to sit on today, either; no snow-capped peaks to surround me; no fresh pow to shred; no bears to thrill/scare the bejeezhus out of me.

oh Canada, I miss your face. the shitty bits of Canada have fallen away to the sands of time, and all I really remember now are the friends, the good times, the all-consuming sense of possibility and non-sensical lack of responsibility and need for decisive behaviours. floating through 3 years of living out amongst the seasons, knucking down for the freezing cold or the hard-to-come-by sunburn, adapting to the weeks on end of rain, the overnight 30cm messing up the bus route but answering your prayers when you awoke to the sound of avi bombs exploding.

I miss the downtimes in the village between seasons, where you get to spend time getting to know the long-termers who have made their lives in Whistler and are not just passing through. I miss the peak season for the parties and the nightclub dancefloor (but no, not the lift lines or the queue out the door of lift coffee co. for a hot beverage).

I miss my friends; my Whistler family. I miss you all so much, and am lucky to have a few of you who followed me back to Armidale (because I got here first). I miss all the food we ate and the ski days we smashed and the apres we soaked up. happiness, plain and simple.

next year I'm going to visit Whistler, Canada, and I'm going to love it all over.

until then - Happy Canada Day.

photo: going to a party

photo challenge: all of the helens

ugh, I just hate pictures of myself. I have been trying to grow out of this feeling for years, but I really don't like pictures that I'm in. So I'm going to take pictures of myself each day for the next 2 weeks and put them up on the blog. into the blogosphere. onto the internets.

so sorry in advance for the selfies.

it's selfie-development, ya know?

Slightly cross-eyed is my style.

treasure: new sheets

I've been quiet this week- because I've been packing to move house.

I have a new bed, new sheets and a new room- a place where only I have been, a fresh start. 

It's pretty exciting. 

treasures: some pieces of my heart (found tucked away on my iPhone)

Sunset on the West Coast of Canada (Vancouver) on a trip with Kate J to pick up Cam all ready for winter 2011-2012

These guys... Stu and Hugh on our impromptu bar crawl on the way home.

Some favourites, all rosy-cheeked from dropping the Harmony Horseshoes

The movie of the 2011-2012 season: Step Brothers.

Fun and games on the SNES - Mika, Annica, Phill and Karin cosying up my living room at Bayshores

That time I sunk his battleships

Nothing classier than drinking out of buckets at a GLC silent disco...

treasure: that one time with mikaela and annica and a spoon.

This was this one time when Annica felt fit to threaten Fabel with a spoon- I think I was meant to put this threatening spoon photo on the internet.

I'm not sure why. This is really all I know.

but we went for breakfast, and then we went to live at Squamish, I think.

and I'm pretty sure we had an awesome time.

treasure: large bodies of water

Holidays. I'm relaxing into this one, that's for sure.

I've been thinking some deep thoughts, but also making sure to catchup on my YouTube time. It's been a pleasant mix, all nicely blurred in with swims and holiday daytime drinks.

Time like this is a good opportunity to take stock of where I'm at and where I want to be next. I've been scrawling reflective writings which I will share after clumsily cutting away the angst, all those feelings neat and shiny in a row.

Act III, in which Helen Attempts to Play It Cool.

Here is the view out the window of my holiday room. Don't hate me coz you ain't me.

treasure: melbourne

in 2004, the year after i finished my HSC, i got the hell out of armidale and moved to melbourne. melbourne held the promise of adulthood, change and challenge, the glamour of artists and poets and philosophers.

i was there 5 and a half years. there's plenty to reflect upon, but i found it very telling the past few times around, visiting after having left 3.5 years ago, how i felt about the beloved city and the people in it that i saw.

perhaps it's just that i've distilled my friendship group into the Very Best of Melbourne. perhaps it's that the buzz of city has finally become exciting again; full of promised inspiration and movement and sparkle. it's nice to visit a city and already know your way around; your favourite bar; your favourite dish at tom phat; the ways of the trams.

i had a beautiful time. during my 'just-home' tour of july 2012, i hung out at beth's house and we sat on the upstairs balcony and enjoyed winter sunshine and the ambient sounds of deconstruction, as the old Royal Children's got unceremoniously trashed by a wrecking crew. i drank at Bar Etiqette, hung about at the bar and giggled happily at yanni and mikey's antics, marvelled at the crowds and the hipster population. i met friends and missed friends, filled with generosity of people who'd only had facebook as a means of following about what i'm certain seemed like a very silly and decadent life of snow and drinking. they bought me drinks, they let me stay, they asked good questions (some people, none of whom i am good friends with, have nothing in the way of curiosity or comment about your recently different lifestyle. they have nothing to say and nothing to ask and it's all very awkward and boring).

aaron and i have recently returned from the 'everyone meet my boyfriend' tour of early 2013 and yup, i still love melbourne. despite the heat i drank plenty of coffee, cottoning onto the concept of iced coffee on saturday morning for a win. i took him on a tour of what i think of as my Melbourne, with a bit of shopping, a few bookstores, some very good eating and this time round i could afford $18 cocktails, so we had some of those too. we hung out with iggy, the coolest kid i know, we feasted on indian and thai with mat and tash, i drank ciders at bar etiquette with beth, sylvia and laura, which turned into a bottle of wine each at Gurkha's Nepalese next door to the bar.

there was a lovely picnic in carlton gardens and some attempted frisbee by joe and laila, picnic rug fun with thea (and amazing gluten free passionfruit melting moments), wine, cheese, smoked salmon and olive tapenade from the Queen Vic Markets.

 
there was a 44 degree day where we stayed inside, windowshopping our way up the 4 levels of Melbourne Central where i bought 4 dresses for $140 (what a bargain!). we perused fed square's NGV bookstore longingly, scoffed a big pile of dumplings at Shanghai Dumpling House in Chinatown, saw some great graffiti and biggest bonus of all, got to drive mat & tash's mercedes benz about the place, feeling like a pretty big deal as we cruised around with a breeze blowing through our hair and a devil-may-care attitude.

it is The Life, Melbourne, and i hope one day i will have the chance to live there again- i feel as though all the things that pushed me away from it and into the arms of a willing whistler are manageable, and that perhaps there is more for me there that i have no yet discovered. perhaps i'll  do a phd at University of Melbourne one day, perhaps i'll only ever visit for holidays from now on...

it might be far away but it's never forgotten.