treasure: blogging

i'm sure that sometimes my blogs seem silly, self-indulgent... sometimes i find it hard to write them because the very fact of sitting down to take the time to complain about some trivial, white, privledged, middle-class problem occasionally makes me ashamed of myself.

sometimes i'm bored of being myself. sometimes i wish i could be doing something that might actually help someone.

but then there are other times when i just feel like i have things to say. lately i've been saying more but less, because i started thinking about who might be reading my blog. i don't fool myself, i know mostly that hardly anyone does, but somehow it made me start curbing the things i was saying. i wouldn't call myself an artist, i wouldn't even call myself a writer yet, but i can call myself a blogger.

i'm lonely in my head, and a little bored. i think it's coz i'm bummed out about hurting myself this week, wondering why i'm here when if i were anywhere else in the world i might meet someone who i could really like instead of a drunk boy on a dancefloor, which leads me me wonder why i even feel like i need someone else in my life, when i already have so many wonderful friends who bring me chocchip pancakes when i feel sad ;)

i don't even really like people that much.

and i have to confess, dear blog, that i keep a diary too, to tell all the real secrets and truths, to name the names, and that is something no-one gets to read!!

secret:

best and worst week ever.

boys and beers and epic powder and more beers

then collisions and people leaving town, and ice, ice baby

this song is the one i like right now:
(golden years by bliss n eso)
It's the warmth when it's cold and it's stormin It's driftin off to the sound of the rain It's gettin up, gettin goals in the mornin It's liftin up from the ground with your flame It's the strength to with stand life lessons It's the clock as the hand strikes seconds It's my movie, where every memory's a color I collect to expand my spectrum It's the simple days, Childhood here now, then it's gone in an instant Back when the wall around my world was a little to high to see beyond in the distance It's the smell of my mitt in the fresh grass Little league, and the times that I'm so free It's snow days, Martachello park When the sleds hit the hills and their flyin through the oak trees It's the kid who collects cards, back in 91 summertime comin out the store and It's the fact he's unrappin the pack with a smile on his dial cause he's scorin the Jordan Past times, I hold em dear. It's Maryland Virginia, bold and clear The way the leaves on those trees in the streets would fall in the fall, all to paint my golden years and yeah Chorus: X2 When the Sky's gray, I live on light rays I've written every page of my life's play I've drawn through my eyes I've colored outside the lines Tryin to hold these golden years that are flashin by

treasure: at least i still have all my arms and legs

does anyone else ever feel like there's all this stuff they need to sit down and figure out, but they keep getting drunk and then trying to survive the hangover?

or is this just me?

there is a certain beauty in the day-to-day existence of the whistler party lifestyle, and it certainly has been good for someone like me who was, up until moving here, planning life as i knew it for the next 10 years...

still, there are a few things that have hit me one after the other... some literal, like an out-of-control skier yesterday, who took me out in an undeniable fashion. like if someone made that into a cartoon, they would have to draw up one of those 'wham' sound effects bubbles. this is not a metaphor for anything, i just got hit by a skier. could have been worse, hence the title of my post, but if it had just, you know, not. happened. at. all., that would also have been quite nice.

one of the other big ones is that i keep meeting these amazing folk and they keep leaving me. i don't even want to think about the end of the season, i am just going to appreciate each day of hanging out with people who make me laugh, who i can rave about powder with, who don't laugh at me too much when i fall off chairlifts (because i do, all the time, it's some sort of curse). people who are happy (or, happy enough) being themselves make me happy, and then everyone's happy...

sometimes you're faced with the circumstances where you meet someone amazing, and there's all this potential, and then they just ... leave the country.

nothing to be done.

and, man, don't even get me started on what i'm going to be when i grow up. or even, what am i doing after may this year, when the snowboarding is over?

at least i still have all my arms and legs.

(this shall be my mantra for 2011.)

farewell to 2010, the year of no sex

yeah i thought i'd catch your attention with that title.


not to overshare, but yeah, 2010, no sex.





this is the first full year i've been single since i was about sixteen. i love it. i think boys suck. i am not getting romantically attached to anything less than a man next time. for those of you curious, a man is someone who possesses a semblance of emotional maturity, possibly reads books, possibly is capable of fixing things, has opinions founded on knowledge rather than stubbornness.



just thought i'd put the list out there.



it wasn't intentional to have no sex. it happened because i can't, despite well-meant advice, sleep with someone i'm not attracted to just because. even drunk, i am remarkably picky. there was that time when i got face-raped in the back of a friend's van... i still maintain that he fell onto me.



'nuf said.



i felt my lack of sex this year just ending deserved a post because, despite what they say, i did live through it. but i will not do another year the same. i may have to leave whistler. i don't want to catch anything, after all.


i think 2011 is going to be different.