the pooh is the wisest of them all

We're only young and naive still
We require certain skills
The mood it changes like the wind
Hard to control when it begins

The bittersweet between my teeth
Trying to find the in-betweens
Fall back in love eventually
Yeah yeah yeah yeah

Can't help myself but count the flaws
Claw my way out through these walls
One temporary escape
Feel it start to permeate

We lie beneath the stars at night
Our hands gripping each other tight
You keep my secrets hope to die
Promises, swear them to the sky

The bittersweet between my teeth
Trying to find the in-betweens
Fall back in love eventually
Yeah yeah yeah yeah

As it withers
Brittle it shakes
Can you whisper
As it crumbles and breaks
As you shiver
Count up all your mistakes
Pair of forgivers
Let go before it's too late
Can you whisper
Can you whisper
Can you whisper
Can you whisper

The bittersweet between my teeth
Trying to find the in-betweens
Fall back in love eventually
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
The bittersweet between my teeth
Trying to find the in-betweens
Fall back in love eventually
Yeah yeah yeah yeah


- naked and famous, young blood

treasure: anticipation

the awesome moment when it's barely any sleeps til you get to see your brother...

there have been many things in my life that i have been excited about, drinking in the fluttery feelings in the belly when you know something is an inevitability...

christmas day, my first kiss, the last day of school, the last harry potter book (and movie), opening day 2010/2011... and of course so many more, often highschool moments fraught with angst to heighten the whole drama of it.

so many times it is not quite what you expect it to be, this huge event; in your mind it grows arms, legs and teeth, until it takes up all but the smallest part of your vision. afterwards and looking back, all those times before were wonderful in ways i had not seen when i imagined them. i'm a compulsive imaginer of events before they happen... it's the one reason i hold out hope i might be able to pin down my flighty attention span and order it to co-operate, to write a novel, or even, hey, a short story.

so often your expectations are misplaced. sometimes that's your fault, and sometimes it's santa claus's. or maybe an eager 15 year old who cannot seem to stop salivating (the well-known "washing machine effect"... bless, he probably didn't know any better). sometimes it's even better than you could have thought... although *spoiler alert* i do wish J.K. Rowling hadn't put the "20 years later" chapter in, and i really wish they hadn't digitally aged everyone in the movie.

my point here is that 2010/2011 opening day was everything i could have hoped for, the last day of school was just the right amount of champagne breakfast, tearful graduation and laying about in the park in the spring sunshine.

my brother is about to arrive in canada, and i don't even have to worry about losing him on the mountain or teaching him to ride, because he's been here before! i don't have to talk him into trying a caesar at dustys, because he already knows they're fucking awesome. and he sometimes laughs at my jokes, which is the most i ever hope for anyway...

we are going to have a fun time, marred only slightly by the fact that our other brother won't be present. because all of us together in whistler would be a joyful time indeed.

i am full up to the brim with the anticipation of the nice times ahead.

secret: if you take away the one thing, you have no things left

all i can say is, thank god for youtube.

you want her, you need her, and yet you don't believe her when she says her love is dead you think she needs you


it is good to be white

treasure: a quiet sunday evening

i'm starting an aggressive campaign in my life to appreciate the little things. well, actually now i look at it, aggressive seems a little, well, aggressive. all i mean is that i'm DEFINITELY DOING IT.

the things i love tonight:

• the freezing air
• the stars that are all over the place
• cooking an easy tasty dinner with my love
• eating the afore-mentioned dinner while looking at extremely silly photos from new year's
• a walk home with headphones (lent to me by the lovely because i forgot mine at work) blasting the black keys' "everlasting light"
• quiet time at home with laptop, cup of tea and "the girl who kicked the hornet's nest" by steig larsson
• washing washing itself while i play on the internets

that's all for today.

well, I laughed.

secret: failings

i have no patience at all for having found myself in my current situation, which is:

wide-a-fucking-wake, when i've made plans to be up super early tomorrow for breakfast up the mountain.

i'm not an adult right now, i'm a seriously bitter individual who is watching her boyfriend sleep. not in a romantic way, not even in a creepy way, but in a passive-aggressive way which makes me envy and therefore resent him for being able to sleep.

it doesn't even bother him that the light is on and i am typing away at a keyboard. he is blissfully unaware. what sort of freak isn't woken up by the slightest sounds and the smallest change in the light?

i've always been a troubled sleeper. every few months i have an extended period of insomnia that neither hell nor high water can shift. so i sit comfily in my insomniac state, peacefully certain that it's ok for me to be hating on everyone who sleeps, even when they're the one i love most of all.

i wish i could rise above the hate, but right now, i can't.

treasure: an actual love story

sometimes i am less than optimistic about the state of things, i begin to disbelieve the things romantic comedies have tried to teach me, and i wonder about real love.

for some reason i always assume anyone around my age is just going through a phase with a girlfriend/boyfriend and they'll break up sooner or later. i'm a cynic, even though i know plenty of people in love.

two of my favorites got engaged yesterday, and they've nearly blown my cynicism out of the water. kate and phill are two people who are awesome, and together they are awesome squared, and some days, cubed.

engaged! like adults. i'm prouder than i probably should be, considering i had nothing to do with anything about the awesomeness cubed that is kate and phill, but i am so happy they're getting married. they're right together. phill loves kate's elbows and kate loves phill's manly beard. and much more besides.

i believe in love stories when things like this happen.

happy stuff to you, kate jenkins and phill mitchell. happy stuff forever and ever, cubed.

true, real & everlasting love

treasure: the luxury of insomnia

insomnia is luxurious when you don't have to get up for work the next day, and so it's alright that you're chilling on your laptop working your way through all of youtube.

i'm not tired enough to sleep, but i'm bored with having to change my laptop position. back ache.

that's all.

not sure about you guys, but this makes me laugh uncontrollably every time i see it

secret: 2012 you are so mysterious

it's hard to know whether to look back or to look forward.

back:
2011 started with a reflection on the general lack of sex in 2010. it will please the reader to know (or perhaps fall under a category of "overshare") that i had in fact had sex by mid-January. I meant business. it was terrible sex, but at least it broke the drought. that was the reassurance i put forward to myself anyway. with it came the realisation that it probably wasn't such a bad life decision to abstain from meaningless sex. much more comfortable to instead feed unrequited crushes and become convinced that nobody would ever love me in this hook-up town with it's emotionally stunted male population.

true until late july 2011 when a lovely gorgeous german person decided to find me more interesting than the next girl. i'm still not entirely convinced he didn't make a mistake or that something didn't get lost in translation and he's just too polite to correct my assumption that he was interested. only on bad days though, because most days i think we both feel as lucky as the other one. a rare thing anywhere in the world. i am grateful.

however this is not a blog about all the sex i got in 2011 (by the way, plenty, and that's just to make phill uncomfortable). it's not a blog about how much i love my boyfriend. it's not a blog about romance, well not the kind between a girl and a boy anyway.

it has never been true that there is no love to be found in whistler. and i think it was the year of 2011 that really taught me this lesson.

love can be a very simple thing. i had an excellent season, with some glorious powder days and some truly breathtaking experiences. i loved and loved this place, the very earth stones and snow of it, the trees and the cold cold air making your lungs ache as you come up red chair on a windy day. it loved me back, even when it tumbled me about and made my eyes water.

in march, i went to australia to visit my family for little hugh's 21st. i spent time with my brothers that everything in the whole world ever just could not beat. it is the tiniest of tiny things, to sit by your brother and to just know him. for a long time i didn't know my brothers, and now i do, and they truly are the best.

i reunited with family and friends in melbourne, newcastle, armidale, kentucky, rockvale, sydney. i never really know how much they understand my love of canada, which is just so far away and so different from australia. what they could understand, talking to me, is how happy the place makes me. and i think seeing that someone you love is happy is pretty much all you can ever hope for.

and to return to canada, to be riding in the snow with my besties, who were so happy to see my back, my little whis family... tell me there's not love there!!

the year was all about the fun and the love, and hanging out with my kind of people. i found a place that i liked and stuck with it. excellent people-folk, that's for sure.



forward:
2012 holds mysteries in its hot little hands. i have little no idea what will become of me in 2012. it depends on ankles, and visas, and the weather. it's mostly ok not to know, although i have a slight tendency to feel a little more comfortable when i have a plan. there will be some more adventures and hopefully a little joy to be found in the normally boring places.

there's lots of fun to be had with visitors (amy now, stu later this month) and here's hoping for a more comfortable ankle situation sometime soon. like next week... otherwise i'm going to have to do another season.

i am certain there will be more love for me that i can conceive of at this point, huddled under the covers with only my laptop for warmth.



one thing more: 2012 will have blogs in it. i cannot promise anything of their quality, relevance or quantity. but they will be there.


happy 2012.

and no, i have no resolutions.