treasure: bad decisions

1. not eating dinner
2. wearing shoes without socks
3. ignoring the fact i work tomorrow
4. being all sneaky, whistler style
5. not dressing warm... where the fuck did summer go?!
6. much more

i don't really know what i wanted to happen this evening, but i had no plan, and it all sort of failed me. so i got to the bar at 9.30 and then just wanted to be home. so i'm all cozy at home now, with my wine which i stole from mitch (but he did say i could) and beyonce, among other things, playing on the stereo.
sometimes i don't even recognize myself, oh the terrible decisions i make. this week is going to be another corker i can just tell. i need to sort myself out, and just maybe Be Organized.
i have started work on my story, but at the moment it's just the story of failed love. embellished to make it funnier than it is. because in reality it's not funny, it's more than a little sad. but there is comedy in pathetic stalker behaviour, correct? i think so.
i'm working on my karma at the moment. ANY DAY NOW, something wonderful will happen to me. i'm actually hoping it all will save up and i'll have an amazing powder season with a small amount of random romance. a sprinkling. just a sprinkling will do.
failing that i'd be happy with a fuckload of snow.

secret: television addiction

instead of being embarassed about this, i have instead decided to get everyone else addicted too.

treasure: laugh laugh laugh

or at least, at very least, giggle.

secret: whimsy

my crazy sunday night: into town at 10pm. one beer which lasts til 11.30, one sneaky smoke outside, making faces and random chitchat with friendly pretty blonde quebecans who work with my housemate nic, leave the bar at 12.20am, cup of earl grey london fog from moguls, where the boys look at me like i'm an alien (or am i just projecting 'i'm an alien'? don't know), one bus ride home and a walk up a hill listening to john butler's "revolution".

subsequent whimsy occurs. or maybe i just enjoy the word subsequent.

i really miss my little brothers. i am aiming to stop missing people that aren't around. to be. or should i say, to Be.

i watched 'eat pray love' yesterday. i always watch or read things and get a head filled with ideas, travel plans, ways to Be ... like for instance, go to india and live in an ashram for a month. or several. or, to go to Bali and meet a hot foreign man with a strong nose (strong is a nice way to say big. i like big noses).

i would quite like to be a little more enlightened. for now i shall just accept my need to stare at the full moon on a cloudy night and wish i could play guitar like john butler.

treasure: blatant optimism in the face of obvious despair

everything is going to be just fine

have another beer, you'll see.

p.s.

I FUCKING HATE HOW LAZY PEOPLE ARE IN WHISTLER ABOUT INVITING OTHERS TO STUFF. JUST SEND ME A FUCKING TEXT MESSAGE HOW HARD IS THAT, YOU BASTARDS?

secret: general lack thereof

kids, i think i actually have no secrets. slight anxiety.

since i came here, since i let go of the boring, blandness of it all (not that i didn't choose it for myself), of the working and the gym-going and the careful calculations, the planning and the writing of lists, the desire to start screaming randomly mid-conversation, yes, since i left all that, i am somewhat an open book.

my blog is really only answers to questions i wish people would ask me, but i'm not all cut up about it, it's just really to practice writing so when i get started on Real Writing, i have some material.

i don't care if you know i love pop music, i don't care if my jokes are stupid, i don't care what you think of what i wear or where i work, i don't care if you have a problem with my drinking habits.

i don't care if you know i am in love with you, not really. although i guess i'm not going to publish names, but if you really need to know, i will have no hesitation in telling you.

i don't care that i haven't immersed myself in one night stands since i've been single. i don't care who knows that i haven't had any action since may last year.

i'm daggy, i make lame jokes, i'm awkward about doing nice things for people even though i do nice things for people all the time, about physical affection unless i really really love you like my brother/sister, i should exercise more and shave my legs more often, and probably wax my eyebrows. but

i. do. not. care.

there you are, there you have it. i'm enlightened.

and right now i really fucking love beyonce.

treasure: bananas, blueberries, strawberries

i like smoothies.

i had a lovely smoothie on friday with mitch, my housemate. we ate breakfast wraps, a wonderful thing i'd never experienced before coming to canada. we had smoothies. then we looked at all the stuff, the people and whatnot, around the village for the crankworx festival.

then we went to the lake, smoked a joint and lay in the sun where i pretended to read a book.

i am not really a smoker but smoking at the lake and then laying there, blissful and snug in the sun, was just what the doctor ordered. it was my first weekend off since february. loved it. loved every single bit of it.

so listen, lack of readers: i have things i want to achieve. i want to write a short story. i want to play and sing at an open mic night. i want these things to happen before 2011 hits. also i want to have the very best halloween costume ever.

you, my lack of readers, you have to hold me to this.

ok? ok.

i think my short story is going to be a typically angsty 'trying to find my place in the world' story based loosely on myself and people i have met in whistler, as that's all there is in the way of people... anyone from 19 to 40, trying to get their shit together in one of the most beautiful places on earth.

and i think my open mic will include a song by kate miller-heidke, a song by death cab, and some other ones too.

i'm open to suggestions.

secret: cigarettes, alcohol, wishes

i'm not sure what this post is about, but i am all whimsical tonight- i had dinner, wines and tobacco with my lovely housemate nicole, and another friend jon, and now i'm sitting on YouTube listening to covers of songs i love by randoms with webcams. they'll let anyone on the internet these days (i mean, look, they let me have a blog).

I am on the verge of my first whole weekend since i finished up at my second job. I have many glorious plans, like dancing all night on friday at DJ nu mark (who is apparently a big deal, but i just like to dance, i'm not fussy), watching a cheese rolling competition and then slopestyle for crankworx, a big bike festival which is on at the moment. crankworx makes me miss my lovely brothers, who would be so much more stoked to be here than i am. i spoke to them both recently, and woke up homesick this morning.

i'm on the brink of something. time to myself. writing, music. the air, the flowers (so many daisies by the side of the road). realizations. i'm scared.

bring it on.

treasure: fuck i love pop music

yeah i know it's corny but i do not care, so there.

me.

secret: !!!?!??!?!

FUCK ME I WISH I WENT TO SPLENDOUR IN THE GRASS

AND I WISH I WAS GOING TO BAR ETIQUETTE TONIGHT FOR MY FRIENDS' BIRTHDAY

I MISS MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS

BUT I AM NOT GOING BACK. SEE WHY?!!!?!?!?!

treasure: music

not to be too dramatic or anything, but uh, without music i would die.

i'm so in love with my july playlist, i don't want to let it go. i'm sad it's august, and it's time for a new playlist. because i love love love it. anyway, i guess discovering new stuff is what keeps me happy. i want to make some more music of my own.

my all time best music experience lately was getting drunk with nicole and sitting on our balcony, singing harmonies for 'space they cannot touch' by kate miller heidke. the first time i ever saw her play that song was years and years ago, before she was on the radio. she played at woodford folk festival in 2003, and i was in love (foolishly as he turned out to be a crazy person) and blissfully happy in the ridiculous queensland tropical summer, sitting on a mountainside, sweating from everywhere, gloriously uncaring of every crappy thing in the world for the pure joy of sitting with my bare feet in the grass, with a teeny breeze, listening to a chick with an amazing voice.

the point of it all is, music listening is the one thing that i am always happy to do. whatever mood, wherever i am. it makes everything better, even if it makes you feel worse, for the enhancement of melancholy ... i like a little melancholy now and then (i hope i am spelling it right).

i am glad i can play guitar. i sang a song for nicole and she liked it. so now i feel brave. maybe soon i will record some things.

i like pleasure spiked with pain and music is my aeroplane

... is my aeroplane

secret: dreams

i had a dream about you 3 nights ago
you cut your hair

you look better with it short.

now i look for you everywhere with your short hair.

treasure:precious, precious time

10 minutes is really not enough time to blog when i also have to put shoes on and check in the mirror to make sure i don't look scary to other people, but i am going to blog briefly anyway.

i have felt for the last 4 months like i am running out of time. perpetually running out of time. it's probably because i have been working so much, and whenever i get a spare second all i want to do is sleep.

i need more time- time to read books and write poems and eat a proper dinner and go running and write letters to my long lost loved ones, the ones who i think of and miss and never get time to tell them so.

soon, oh so soon, i will have my weekends, and oh! the things i will do.

secret: too much sugar makes me overshare

i work at a supermarket, well i've given notice, so in a week i will no longer work there, but that is not the point- the point is right now, i work in a supermarket.

i worked there today. i also worked at my other job, the thrift store, which meant that i worked from 9.30am to 10.15 pm. not ideal.

to compensate i ate too much sugar.

then about 8.30pm i started telling personal things to total strangers (customers) and giggling in a somewhat hysterical manner at my own jokes, which were disjointed at best, and mostly competely random.

i wish i could be a bit cooler sometimes, that's all.